


Insomnia

by TristasPhoenix



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 03:38:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TristasPhoenix/pseuds/TristasPhoenix
Summary: Lily refuses to sleep and James wants to know why . . .





	

James wasn't talking. This struck Lily as odd as, usually, you couldn't shut him up for all the Galleons in Gringott's. It was just the two of them in the common room, both sitting on opposite sides of the room: James on the window ledge looking out at the night and Lily sitting in an armchair with her legs over a side and her back to the fire. The only sounds were those of the fire crackling, Lily's page turning and the sound of their breathing. The near silence was thick through the air, but it was also incredibly rare, so Lily chose not to disturb it.

Although it was past midnight, Lily refused to sleep. She even refused to close her eyes. As a result, her eyes were aching and dry. She had been up for over twenty hours due to her bad sleeping habits. She was determined not to sleep as, if she did, the dreams would occur again.

Reluctantly, Lily yawned. She did try to stifle it but ended up letting out a small squeak when she closed her mouth. James jumped and looked over at Lily.

'What in Merlin's name was that?' he asked, his eyebrows slightly raised in shock.

Lily didn't look up from her book. 'I yawned,' she replied, and then covered her mouth again to hold down another yawn.

'If you're tired, Evans, go to bed,' James said, and returned to looking out of the window.

'No,' Lily said firmly. 'I won't.'

James turned his body to face Lily. 'Evans, sleep is mandatory for everyone. You need to sleep.'

'No, I don't,' Lily said stubbornly. 'I've managed so far. Besides, I only have a few chapters left of this book.'

James looked at the book in her hands. 'So, your definition of “a few chapters” is over half the book?' Lily lifted the book to hide her flaming face. She heard him get off of the ledge. 'Go to bed, Lily,' he said softly.

Lily quickly lowered the book and glared at him. 'I said no, Potter. If you're tired, you go to bed, but I am fine right here.'

As she resumed reading, she heard James move closer to her, his muffled footsteps moving calmly to the sofa next to her. She looked over the top of the book to see James lounging on the sofa and watching the flames. The light from the fire softened his face, making him seem more fragile than his usual cocky persona. He did look tired, and Lily wondered why he stayed up this late.

Suddenly, his hazel eyes flicked over to meet Lily's gaze and she jumped back into her book, re-reading the same sentence over and over again before giving up and placing her bookmark in the book and setting it down on the little table behind her. She rubbed her tired eyes with the back of her hands and stretched to soothe her back. When she finished, she moved her legs under her and begun to look out of the window.

***

James had watched her the entire night. He had noticed that Lily was more sluggish than normal during the mornings and making the most basic mistakes in her classes with him. He also noticed her eyes, which were usually sparkling and bright green, like a gem, had dulled to a flat green and the dark purple rings under her eyes made them look bruised. Her skin had gotten paler and she kept to herself. James watched her profile in the firelight. The light only highlighted her bruised eyes and her sickly pale skin. She had her arms crossed protectively over herself, and James wondered why. He had wanted to ask her for days what was the matter, but she had only recently began to talk to him without an insult tacked on to the end of the sentence.

He couldn't take it anymore. 'Lily.' Lily looked at him. 'Lily, what's going on?'

Lily stared at him. 'What are you talking about, Potter?' she asked.

James leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and holding his hands together. 'You, Lily. Something is going on and I want to know what it is.' His eyes were filled with sincerity.

Lily looked down before returning to the window. 'Nothing,' she whispered.

'Don't give me that crap, Lily,' James said firmly. Lily snapped her back to his gaze and her eyes were filled with confusion. 'I've known you for years and I know when something is going on with you! So, please!' He tried to soften his tone and eyes. 'Tell me.'

Lily dropped her gaze to her arms, which she had unfolded and began playing with her thumbs. 'Even if I did tell you,' she said quietly. 'There's nothing you can do to help me.'

James smiled sweetly, glad he had finally got Lily to talk. 'Oh, I don't know, Lil. What is it the Muggles say?' He looked at her until Lily looked up. '“A problem shared is a problem halved”? So come on.' He patted the sofa next to him. 'Tell me.'

***

Lily didn't move for a moment before whispering an 'Okay' under her breath and reluctantly moving next to James on the sofa, making sure she wasn't too close. James had leaned back into the sofa and looked at Lily, who was sitting hunched over.

Lily took a deep breath and stared at the carpet on the floor. 'I can't sleep.'

'Okay,' James said, leaning towards her. 'Anything else?'

Lily began to scratch her thumb with the other, hoping the pain would take her away from the current situation. James saw this and placed his hand over hers. Lily looked at him and he just smiled. With that smile up close, Lily felt more comfortable than she had done in the past few days. Her hands relaxed and James removed his hand slowly.

'It's not that I can't sleep,' she said finally. 'It's that I'm too scared to sleep.'

'Why are you scared to sleep?' James asked.

Lily kept her eyes on the floor, hoping tears wouldn't come out. 'I . . . I see things,' she muttered. 'Things I don't want to see.' James stayed silent for a while before Lily added, 'Things from my past.'

'What sort of things?'

Lily took another deep breath before answering. She looked James in the eyes, a tear falling down her face. 'My parents,' she said. 'And their death.'

*** 

James was stunned. He knew that Lily recently began living with a relative and that her parents had died last year, but he didn't know how they had died. Since returning to Hogwarts that year, Lily hadn't acted like she had been grieving. 

James had opened his mouth and shut it quickly several times while he thought of suitable things to say. Each failed attempt was just silence. Lily continued to look at him during this mini-meltdown. When words finally failed him, James did what he thought was the next best thing. Gently, he reached out and hugged her, pulling her close to his chest. When the shock had finally worn off for Lily, her tears fell faster. She barely made any noise and James only knew she was crying due to the fastening dampness of his shirt and the jerking of her shoulders.

After about two minutes, Lily sniffed and pulled back. 

'Sorry about that,' she said, wiping her eyes and face with her hands.

'Don't apologise.' James rubbed her back soothingly. 'We don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to.'

Lily sniffed. 'No,' she said. 'I want-I need to get this out. I haven't said anything in so long!'

James' hand paused for a second on her back before resuming it's normal track. 'All right,' he whispered. 'If you're sure.'

Lily nodded and sniffed again. 'Well, when I was younger, I had no friends, just my mum and dad.' Lily's eyes misted over again but she persevered. 'I have an older sister, Petunia, but she didn't really like me because I was, well, different. She would only talk to me when it was necessary and ignored me for the rest of the time, so my parents were the only ones I had.

'It happened around May last year. I had gone to my Nana’s that weekend as my parents were celebrating their anniversary. 30 years, if you can believe it. Anyway, at about nine that evening, Nana got a ring –”'

'Why did your nan get a ring?' James asked, genuinely confused.

Lily smiled sadly. 'A phone call, from a telephone. It's how Muggles communicate each other quickly.'

'Oh, okay, sorry.'

'Anyway,' Lily continued, knowing it was better to get it all out now, 'Nana got a telephone call from one of the neighbours that said something had happened at home and that we had to get there pronto. So Nana grabbed my coat, got me away from my book and into the car and drove us home. When we got there -' Lily's voice faltered, remembering all the events of that day. The sirens, the on lookers, everything.

'Hey,' James' voice broke the vision. 'You can stop if you want. You don't have to continue if you don't want to.'

Lily shook her head. 'No,' she said. 'There's only a little bit left.'

'Only if you're sure,' James said quietly.

Lily nodded again. 'There were people everywhere. Fire engines and police cars were blocking the street and the house was glowing and smoking. My parents were inside. The fire-fighters couldn't get them out and they died from smoke inhalation.' Lily's eyes were filled with tears, but she refused to let them out. 'The official story is that one of the plugs had short-circuited and created a small fire in the living room. By the time my parents found out, it was too late for them to get out and they died. What really happened was Death Eaters. They set fire to downstairs and they locked the doors so Mum and Dad couldn't get out. Dumbledore told me a month ago and everything is resurfacing!'

Lily gave up. The tears she had held back burst forward with full force and her grief made her sob harder. James pulled her back to his chest, his heart breaking for the small witch in his arms. Her sobs racked her body and she tightened her grip on James, as if trying to remember reality.

'Every time I close my eyes, I see the glowing house, the faces of the neighbours and the white sheets!' She cried into his shoulder. 'The bastards didn't even have the decency to kill them directly!'

James tried to shush her cries. 'Shh, it's not here now, there's just me and you. You're all right now.'

Lily cried furiously into his shoulder until the sun began to come up. By that time, Lily had tired herself out close to sleep. James went to lay her down onto the sofa and grab a blanket from a chair, but Lily's grip on him was iron-clad.

'Lily,' James whispered. 'Do you want me to stay with you?'

Lily nodded weakly. 'If you're here, they won't get me,' Lily mumbled, her eyes just barely open and looking at James.

James smiled and summoned the blanket over to the sofa. Trying not to jostle Lily too much, he laid next to her and pulled the blanket over the two of them. Just before they drifted off to sleep, Lily whispered, 'Thank you, James.' James smiled and held her tighter, slipping into sleep with her safe in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, give it a kudos and let me know what you thought in the comments. CC is always welcome :)
> 
> \- Trista


End file.
